ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
