Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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