I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
