i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
