well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
