I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
