i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
