The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
