508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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