You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
