the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
