You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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