it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
