Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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