If i come over, it means nothing
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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