Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
