Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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