she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
