I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
