Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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