shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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