she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
