I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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