he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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