She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize