I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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