Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
