my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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