New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
