Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
