i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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