i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
