Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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