32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am one with the molecules
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
