we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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