All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
