it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
