The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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