You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
