i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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