he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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