Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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