New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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