i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
tell me about the fingering
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