i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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