I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
