pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
