Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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