i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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