I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
