butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've blown a few things in my day
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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