I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My life is pants optional.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
