i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
