Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
