Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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