so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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