pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
