Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
