I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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